As I turn 32 in what has probably been the most iconic year of my life, I've been trying to think of one word that describes what I am feeling right now. No matter what road of thinking I go down, they all lead to the same word; Gratitude.
Sometimes, I find that when you are young there is an air of invincibility that seems to hover over you like a grey cloud overhead. More often than not, this cloud will pass you over and you grow older and wiser through the years. Other times you may go through experiences that teach you about the vulnerability of life. Some who are not so lucky find out the hard way that those grey clouds can quickly develop into storms of pain and suffering.
My baby girl Zahra did not come into this world easily. I will save you most of the gory details of that 19 hour ordeal however what I will say is that never have I been more proud of anyone in my entire life than my wife Lauren. What she went through, what any woman goes through is beyond the realm of any man's understanding. I will never know truly what she felt through those hours...the pain, the frustration, the anger, the exhaustion, the PAIN and then the joy. I can list these emotions among many others and I shared in many of them with her, but what SHE felt and SHE went through, I will never know; nor do I have the right to. Lauren you are my world and my life and first and foremost before everything I am grateful to have you as my partner.
Zahra was born with her umbilical cord wrapped around her neck. They used forceps to help remove her and she wasn't breathing when she came out. I will never forget the team of 9 medical professionals who were working on her in the delivery room, doing every thing they could to get this little girl to breathe. For two and a half minutes she didn't breathe and I know this exactly because it was one man's job to simply count the amount of time that had elapsed between the birth and the first breath. 30 seconds....1 minute...1 minute 30 seconds....2 minutes....2 minutes 30 seconds.....the room moved in slow motion. Then.....that first cry. Relief! Tears! Joy! Without the magnificent team working on Zahra we most likely would have lost her. To everyone who spent any amount of time helping Zahra through those first few days and especially to those 9 nurses and medical professionals, Lauren and I are both extremely grateful.
That incredible feeling that Lauren and I shared in moments after Zahra started breathing was quite simply the single greatest most indescribable moment of our lives. It was just perfect. It lasted all of about 30 seconds. The tension returned with a vengeance as Lauren now had to deliver the placenta which once she did unleashed a torrent of blood that gushed from her like a burst water pipe. I had no idea what I was feeling, I was numb. I feel that in that moment as I looked into my wife's eyes, I saw a deeper meaning to everything. Its hard to explain and even now as I type this I feel that I am not doing this moment justice. It was as though within her eyes I could see through to her soul and as I willed her to fight through the pain of the Doctor stitching her up, I swear I could see the life leaving her eyes. I'm not sure how long it took but I don't think it was very long. She lost a litre of blood in about 2 minutes they said. The human body holds approximately 5 litres in total. Every second counted but finally it ended. Finally it was over. She made it. To the doctor who delivered my baby and then saved my wife's life, I am grateful.
We spent five days at Credit Valley Hospital. It was five days of incredible care. From the nurse who helped me hold my baby for the first time while my wife was out of commission recovering from her own scare, to the nurse who checked us out five days later and EVERYBODY in between. We are so grateful. You were all blessings!
To my parents who gave me the courage and strength to be there for my wife even in the darkest hours and who taught me the values of Love, Patience, Understanding and most importantly Compromise. I will be forever grateful.
To my mother in law for spending every minute of those 19 hours with us in that room. God only knows what she had to go through seeing her daughter in such pain. Sandra you have been the rock that has held us together through fourteen years and it was only fitting that you were there in that defining moment. We are forever grateful.
So as I turn 32, I truly think the right word must be gratitude. I am grateful that with the grace of God, I was able to live another year and I am even more grateful that I get to do that with my courageous and beautiful wife and the new apple of our eye, Zahra.
Till Next Time....
p.s Please know that despite the fact that I have not listed many names and experiences here that have every right to be included, I have not forgotten. To everyone in my life who makes life worth living EVERY SINGLE DAY....I am forever grateful.
